Wednesday, December 28, 2005


So Happy Holidays.

Lee and I are in the middle of our celebration. We went to New Orleans to celebrate Christmas with my family this past weekend, and the coming weekend, we are going to his parents house to celebrate Hannukah. This two holiday thing...not too shabby, I highly reccomend it actually.

This past weekend was so much fun. We got up at the ass crack of dawn, ( read= 3:00 am) to get to the airport. I was so scared of Isaac flying. I just knew that he had been a perfect baby for too long, that this would be his downfall. I pictured us walking on the plane and him just screaming. Screaming for the entire trip. I felt it coming. And to prepare, I lost sleep worrying over it.

Well, he came through like a heavy weight champ. Not only did he not cry once, he wasn't awake the entire flight. Some guy sat down in front of us, rolled his eyes and told his girlfriend, "great, there's a baby behind us." I wanted to kick him, but I harbored my Whitney Houston-like aggression and just sat there and took it. Isaac was an angel on the flight, it was the guy in front of us who should have been taken out back and shot. He got up literally five times on a hour and a half flight, and then he kept putting his seat back, and forth....I should be cannonized as a saint for not saying anything to him.

Our next flight we sat next to a really nice lady who was also from New Orleans. Right when we got over the city, you could see everyone leaning over to look out the window. The city was covered in blue. Blue Tarps covered rooftops and I just stopped looking. This was going to be hard, I knew it. I overheard the woman sitting next to us tell Lee, "Prepare your minds and hearts, it's pretty hard to see." Prepare your minds and hearts, and the words just kept repeating in my head. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from crying because I wasn't going to do it. I wasn't going to let this trip get off on such a sad start.

However, when we landed, I saw that wasn't really an option. Katrina has plagued the entire city. It's in everyone's conversations, literally. The news, the papers, the people are all haunted, changed. Its hard to explain, and hard to stomach. We stopped at a restaurant to eat lunch, and they handed us a paper menu. Even the food has been changed. Restaurants aren't even open, and if they are, they are serving smaller menus because they just can't get enough people to work.

Lee and I dropped my parents off at their office, and we drove to their house. We passed houses with red X's showing how many dead bodies had been recovered, or white X's showing that the house had been evacuated. We saw a house that used to be a two story building, but the top story had caught fire. The first floor still stood, and the tops were charred, there was a boat in the driveway that had also caught fire. No one had touched it since. It was unbelieveable how many places are still covered in debris. We saw a boat on the median of a busy street. It's hard to look at, so after we got to my parents house, we didn't leave until we were going to the airport again.

Christmas morning was amazing. Having a child, you see the world through his eyes, all over again. It's all so new. Isaac, Lee and I all raked in some pretty good gifts. I didn't expect anything really. My parents paid for our trip there, that was all that I could ask for.

As hard as it was, I needed to be there for Christmas. So much has changed this year, I feel like my whole life has been flipped upside down, and that I had no control over any of it. I adore my friends and family more than anything in the world. Being surrounded by them was really all I wanted for Christmas. I'm so happy that it happened.

Now, I just have to get back to putting our house in order.....

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Who? What?

I have a million reasons NOT to be online right now, but yet...Here I am.
I'm so good at procrastinating, it should be my job.

So what's been going on since my last (temporarily insane) post?
So much.

We moved into an incredible home. I've got a million ideas on how to decorate it, I just lack the time and money. But I'll get there. Our white walls stare at me everyday, but for now, I'm just staring right back at them.

Isaac started teething. No sight of teeth yet, but all the signs are there, and boy....Are they fun.

I completely horrified Lee by showing him that I know all the words to the "America's Funniest Home Videos" TV show. But then he horrified me right back by showing me the next day that he knows all the words to the Golden Girls theme. So we're even....Almost

I attempted to get Christmas Cards out. I spent two hours one day taking pictures and setting everything up. Then...I blinked my eyes and it was Dec 22 already and I still have nothing done. Maybe next year. So thank you to everyone who has sent me a card, if I weren't such a slacker, I would be sending you one right back.

I started my Christmas and hanuk...AHEM, started my HOLIDAY shopping, um....Oh, yesterday. Its hard to get into the holiday spirit when it's 85 degrees outside. Wearing flip flops doesn't translate into December weather. Now....If we had actual seasons, like winter, I would have gotten everything done in October, when it started snowing. Lee and I had the great Santa Clause debate. Since he grew up celebrating Hanukkah, he never had Santa, and thinks its a B.S. tradition. I can't imagine not having Santa, in fact, I kind of started to cry when he said he didn't want to celebrate with Santa. So I win, Santa it is. I promised Lee that he will learn to love it and I think he already does.

We attempted to go to Lee's Holiday Party for work. We got all dolled up, and his boss convinced him to bring Isaac, since we don't have a sitter yet. Lee was none too happy about it, he was tired and just wanted to stay home. But I needed it. He doesn't understand that I need other adults to talk to, or that I almost pass out with excitement when the man behind the deli counter starts a conversation. I was all excited for adult time, with adult conversation. Really...I was just excited to shave my legs and throw on some make-up. We were there for about an hour when Isaac decided it was time to go. He began to freak out, so...out the door we went. It was fun while it lasted.

And now...I'm packing to fly back to New Orleans for a few days. I feel like I've been drinking. I have no idea how to feel about it. While I have never been so excited to go home before, I'm also trying to brace myself because it's not the city that I remember. The airport we're flying into is the one that was set up as a makeshift hospital after Katrina. I can't imagine how many people died there. My dad wants to drive around and show us the city, but I just don't think I can. Not yet. I want this trip to be remembered as a happy one. It's Isaac's first Christmas, and the first time that my friends will meet him. Although, I am curious.

Now that this is the most boring entry I've ever read, I'm going to end it.
I have to finish packing, finish shopping ( yes, there's still more) and stare at the white walls some more.

Friday, December 09, 2005

For the love of prada....

Oh I can't take much more....

I'm having such a crappy week.
Besides the wallet drama, AOL closed my account, without letting me know, and this morning...

some lady hit my car.

I need this, I really do. Anything else?

I had just parked, grabbed my purse and was about to get out of my car when I felt, BUMP.
I looked in my rear view and saw either an elephant, or a Lincoln Continental, and seriously...Who needs a car this big? Why don't you just drive a yacht.

Do you hear that? That's anger in my voice. Mommy needs a drink.

I made sure Isaac was still sleeping and got out of the car.
There, getting out of the driver seat, was a woman who can only be described as old.
Her glasses were about as thick as my thighs, and her hair looked like a purple birds nest.

"WHAT'S GOING ON BACK HERE?" she yelled like I was the one who was 95.
"You just hit my car crazy." I said in a flat voice.
"Well I don't have time for this, what where you doing back there?"
"Parked, I was parked, this is a parking lot is it not?"
"Well, I don;t have time for this, I can't call the cops."
I looked at my bumper. Screw it.
"Yeah, fine." I agreed, it was just a scratch, I didn't have time either.
"IT WASN'T MY FAULT" she yelled.
"Yes, It was, and I DON'T CARE." I yelled back. I was at the point of patience where I just wanted to take her teeth out and throw them at her. " Can you please move your car? I have to get my stroller out."

I then realized that if I had been behind my car getting my stroller out, I might not have legs anymore. And it was too much. Between the stress of moving, my stolen wallet, AOL, and post partum hormones, I lost it. And I started crying in the parking lot.
"I didn't see you back there, you shouldn't drive such a small car." She said with the right amount of smug in her elephant driving voice.
"SHUT UP YOU BITCH. YOU JUST HIT MY CAR AND I HAVE AN INFANT IN THERE." I was screaming, but I was crying, so I sounded crazy. Like.....Jesse Spano crazy.

She looked me like I had just thrown her teeth at her, got in her car and I guess drove away.
This is going to be a good story for her to tell her friends. I just gave her like 10 minutes of entertainment at any holiday party, the crazy crying girl with the tiny car.

See Tom Cruise? I do need drugs.
You f'ing moron.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Oh Crappy Day...

I'm giving up.
It's only 3:30, but I'm giving up.

I woke up this morning before Isaac did, so I ran downstairs to get an orange.
Well, I got red instead.

I stepped on a piece of glass in the kitchen.
I should have known then, stay in bed.

So, after I wobbled my way back upstairs, fed Isaac, and bathed him, we got dressed, and left the house.

I stopped at Walgreen to buy a bow. I wanted to go down
to the ocean and take some pictures of Isaac for our Christmas/ Hanukkah ( Hanu-mas) card. ( I know, I know, it's almost the middle of December, and I'm just thinking about this, wanna hear something even worse? I cheat on my taxes, now you really have something to scoff at.)
Ok, so anyway, as we were leaving walgreens, I took Isaac out of his stroller, bent down and put him in my clown car ( READ= 2 door Saturn, my parents didn't love me enough to buy me the other two doors). As I backed out of my car, I saw some shady looking guy standing being Isaac's stroller.
what's this howdy-doodie-mother-fella doing? I wondered.

"Oh. Sorry." he mumbled, and walked away.
Creep. I thought. But as I put Isaac's stroller in my trunk, I thought...I'm missing something. I felt, lighter....

We went to the beach, and turned right back around when it started raining.
I got home, unloaded the car, and realized why I felt like I was missing something.
I was.
My wallet.
That son of beesting took it.

I had it on the back of Isaac's stroller, and didn't even think about it.
I thought of all the things I had in there, that I might need....
"license, insurance card, Isaac's insurance card,my credit cards, my precious Neiman Marcus card, a coupon for free popcorn at Target..."
then I thought of all the things I want...
"A letter from my friend Kelly from high school, a letter about my real mom, pictures, a coupon for free popcorn at Target."

I had enough.
I started to cry, Isaac started to cry...It was a disaster
I did what any grown woman would do.
I sat on the floor and ate some cheese while singing "This little piggy to Isaac"
Don't laugh, it was good cheese.

So I called Lee, told him, called my mom, whined to her, called my credit card company, told them, and then called Neiman Marcus and met the biggest bitch I have ever talked to, maybe.

"Neiman Marcus credit options, how may I help you?"
"Hi, I um, well, I had my wallet stolen this morning, so I want to close my card, but I haven't used it since March, and my balance is at zero, so I'm not sure if it's even still open, can you check?"

Now, I know this was a lot to handle, but I assumed she could do it. I assumed wrong.
"What?" She asked brilliantly.
I explained it to her again, she typed away and said this.
"You live in Florida."
"We have a Neiman Marcus in Boca Raton."
".....I know, do I have to go there to do this?"
"No, I was just telling you. Why is your credit line at zero? Do you not want to shop with us for a certain reason?"
As on cue, Isaac started to cry.
"haha, hear that? That's my reason"
"So you just have your card for show?"
"Excuse me?"
Was she calling me a credit fraud?
"You really don't use your card."
"NO, I use it plenty, too much, even. I just haven't used it since March, because I haven't worked since then."
"I'm just going to close your card. I doubt they'll send you another since you chose not to shop with us anymore."
"NO I....You know what? Fine, what's your name?"
"Thank you for calling Neiman Marcus, have a Happy Holiday.

Oh I sure will, I'm just not sure about Isaac.....

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Is that my ass or a butterball turkey?


I get it, it's time to work off the baby weight.
I did a very good job of losing every last pound, and quickly I may add.
However, I'm still squishy.
I still have bingo arms.


Yes, hear me out. When I was MUCH younger, like 7 or 9, I used to go to Bingo with my grandma on Saturday nights, (hate the bingo, love the grandma)Anyway, I was surrounded by elderly women who wore earrings made of crafts, and shirts decorated with puffy paint, women who would play fifteen bingo cards at a time, keep up with all of them and still have time to talk about the lottery, women who brought their own personalized bingo markers. Once a game, some innocent woman's dream would come true when she could raise her arms up in the arm, wave them wildly and yell , " BINGO!!! BINGO!!"
Now...See those skin flaps waving wildly underneath the arm? Those fleshy curtains are called bingo arms.

And I've made it my goal to lose them.

On Wednesday, I started doing yoga again. Not really again, since I've never done yoga before, but I think that's a really chic thing to say ( "I've recently begun doing yoga again")
On weekdays, at six in the morning there is a great yoga show called, "Inhale". There's snag number one in my "lose the baby squishy"plan. My sleep is precious. I'm not getting up earlier than I need to. Thanks to modern day inventions, my cable box records it for me.

Back to the plan. So... After Isaac woke up, and I did a few things around the house, I felt ready to dive right into yoga. How hard could it really be? I'm flexible, I've danced professionally for more than 19 years of my life, this should be easy.

Looking back on it, I started with a sucker in my mouth. That was probably mistake number one. Got it, no more suckers. So, I was totally into it, and during commercial breaks, I jump roped. ( I know, how serious am I?) After about 35 minutes of yoga/jump roping, I realized that the towel I was using as a yoga mat was sticking to me.

Gross, that's how sweaty I was. But it was fun. I can't find time to get to the gym, consistently, I needed this sweaty grossness. I need a steel toe boot to kick me in the bee-hind and get me into motion.

Lee, Isaac and I are making a trip to New Orleans for the first time since we moved in May.
So, I have to work my tiny tushie off to get back into shape.
This way, when I get off the plane, someone, anyone can say, "Wow, you look great"
and I can say, "What? This ? Please" and shimmy away.

The only problem is that my thighs, abs and arms are on fire since my yoga stunt. I'm going to take it a little easier tomorrow. I'm not the nimble little minx that I used to be.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

For once, I'm serious

More than 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981.
Africa has 12 million AIDS orphans.
By December 2005 women accounted for 46% of all adults living with HIV worldwide, and for 57% in sub-Saharan Africa.
Young people (15-24 years old) account for half of all new HIV infections worldwide - more than 6,000 become infected with HIV every day.
Of the 6.5 million people in developing and transitional countries who need life-saving AIDS drugs, only 1 million are receiving them.
In the US...
It is thought that more than one million people are living with HIV in the USA and that more than half a million have died after developing AIDS.
At the end of 2004, the CDC estimates that 415,193 people were living with AIDS in the USA
Of these,
35% were white
43% were black
20% were Hispanic
1% were of other race/ethnicity.
Of the adults and adolescents with AIDS,
77% were men.
Of these men,
58% were men who had sex with men (MSM)
21% were injection drug users (IDU)
11% were exposed through heterosexual contact
8% were both MSM and IDU.
Of the 93,566 adult and adolescent women with AIDS,
64% were exposed through heterosexual contact
34% were exposed through injection drug use.
More than half a million people diagnosed with AIDS have died in the USA. Nearly three-quarters of these people did not live to the age of 45.
In 2004, the age group 35-44 years accounted for an estimated 34% of HIV diagnoses, 39% of AIDS diagnoses, and 37% of deaths of people diagnosed with AIDS.
( Taken from )
December 1, is World AIDS Day.
Stop AIDS. Keep the Promise.
AIDS was never a real disease to me, as ignorant as that sounds.
Other people contract AIDS, I thought, people in third world countries, or people who use dirty needles.
I was wrong.
AIDS is a disease that doesn't discriminate. You can contract AIDS vaginal sex, anal sex and even oral sex.
It's not picky, it's rampant, and it's deadly.
Earlier this year I lost a friend to AIDS, and I didn't have to.
There are ways to prevent contracting the disease.
AIDS isn't picky,
so you should be.
ALWAYS use protection. Get tested.
Testing is anonymous.
Don't wait until you, or a loved one is affected, because, according to the statistics, someone you know already has the HIV virus or has progressed into full blown AIDS.
Its real.
Its here.
do something.