Thursday, January 19, 2006

You're not going to believe this

Lee and I have this wonderful litle screened in back porch.

That we never ever use.

So, this past weekend, Lee decided to put his foot down.

"We're going outside tonight, we're going to use that porch."

So we did, and we brought along a bottle of wine.

It was nice, we sat and we talked, and we drank. And then we drank.

Since it's been almost a full year since I've drank, I woke up and wanted to immediately kill the tiny baboon that was jumping on my brain. I felt horrible.
Of course, Isaac chose that day to scream as loud as he could.

I was crippled. Like Bea Arthur auditioning for a starring role in Baywatch, I knew I was way outta my league. I promised god never to do that again, if she would just take away the horrible ugh that was ontop of me.

So two days passed by, and I still felt dizzy when I stood up, or moved too fast. I was still sick, and even worse, my super sense of smell was back.

Before I found out I was pregnant, a whole new world was opened to me.

A world of new smells. And I hated it. I could smell everything. People's breath, even if they were a safe distance, the meat counter at the market was horrific, and the worst was public bathrooms. I soon found out I was pregnant, and this was just part of the package.

This past week, we got our new sofa in. And I could smell it.
For two days, I could smell it.

"I think my super sense of smell is back" I told Lee one night.
"Are you pregnant?" He asked me immediately, almost accusing me.
"No. No I can't be, the pill?" I told him.
" You were sick for all those days, and now your smell..." he trailed off.
"The pill" I reassured him, "and that damn bottle of wine last week"

But I started to wonder, and fret, and then full on worry.
I can't be pregnant again, I just can't.
Money and figures started to swarm and stack up in my head. We don't have another room in this house! How could we decorate a room for a girl and a boy?We'd have to buy another crib, a double stroller, not to mention it's probably a girl, knowing my luck....all the clothes. Think of all the clothes, because, people don't send you gifts for the second baby, especially not if you just hit them up 9 months earlier.

Oh my god, if I am pregnant, then I got pregnant in December...like with Isaac. I vowed to act like a nun every December to come, and I continued to worry. We just can't do this now, what am I going to do?

I thought all night long. I imagined the phone call to my mom, I imagined the "thud" I would hear when she hit the ground. I imagined being all mantee-like and pregnant again trying to pick up Isaac. I imagined taking my maternity clothes out of the attic and having no dust to wipe off of them.
This just couldn't happen.

Not yet.

The next morning, I flew out of bed and got dressed.
And then laid back down and took a nap, I was exhausted. After all that imagining, I only got around 4 hours of sleep.
So then I woke up again, grabbed Isaac and ran to the drugstore.

I picked up a pregnancy test, nail polish, a card, and vitamins...nice array.
When I got home I set up shop in the bathroom. It was just 12 months earlier that I was doing the exact same thing in a bathroom in New Orleans.

Oh my god, what have I gotten myself into?

I took the test and this time, I had to wait four minutes. Four mintutes feels like four years when your waiting on something like this, only this time, I had something to distract me. My FOUR month old child, who was eating my hair and drooling down my shirt the entire time.

Ding! My phone told me it was time.
I put Isaac down so that I didn't drop him on the bathroom floor, (see, I'm a good mom) and walked in.

I said a quick..."It's not the end of the world if it's a yes, it's just a little early" pep talk, and I looked at the test.

Well, Jesus was an only child too, and he didn't turn out so bad.