Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mothers Day

At 4 o'clock this morning, I was reminded what it means to be a mom.

I could hear Isaac on his monitor sniffling, coughing and crying. I went in his room, and he was sitting up, chewing on his duck and trying to wipe his nose. ( and by trying I mean, he puts the back of his hand up against his nose, and wiggles his fingers. It's waaaay too cute, and an instant crowd pleaser)(Unless that crowd was having her incredible Benjamin Brat beach scene dream at said 4 o'clock)( then it's only a little cute)

I picked him up and he immediately gave me a hug, and it was a good one. It was one of those hugs where if his arms where made of clay, they would wrap all the way around you twice. He nuzzled his little head in between my head and my shoulder, sniffled and sighed.

We sat down and rocked and I thought, "Its 4 a.m. Happy Mothers Day"

There are times when I am so tired, so busy, that I forget who I am, or was before the baby. I know I was someone different, I just can't remember who. There are nights I lie in bed frantic, thinking of how I'm going to make A connect to B, and if it's going to affect Isaac. I worry so much more, now that I have the responsabilies of two people.

I look at our friends, with no restraints, pick up and move across country, have a conversation that doesn't involve teething, or diapers. They can go out to dinner after 8, or stay out until the sun comes up, sleep all day and do it again. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't envy them on some level.

I do.

But then there are mornings like these, where I realize that I am someone's entire world. That by a little hug, he feels completely comforted and he knows it's all going to be all right. There are nights where Lee, Isaac and I can just lay in bed and laugh at our feet wiggling in the air. Or enjoy, and I mean, really enjoy, a bath, enjoy it so much that not only your hands, but your elbows are pruney too. Things like an empty plastic bottle, or a napking laying around are adventures to Isaac. Things I've never looked at, are suddenly so relevant.

There are those things.

When I fall into bed some nights, exhausted and decorated with baby food, wondering when the last time I shaved my legs, read this month's Cosmo, called my best friend, had sex, bought a pair of shoes...I forget how lucky I am.

I needed an early Mothers Day morning to help me realize that I don't need a Mothers Day to be the luckiest person in the world. Isaac and Lee gave me a sweet picture frame with a collage of pictures dating back to day 1, and it's beautiful, but honestly, I didn't need it. All I needed were my two boys by my side to make any day, not just mother's day, amazing.

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P.S. In the middle of writing this, Isaac crawled on his hands and knees across the room for the first time. Now thats a Mothers Day present.